Romesh Ranganathan on his 'horrific' critical inner voice and being in a 'really bad place'

Virgin Radio

9 Feb 2023, 15:53

Trigger warning: Suicide/Depression

TV star Romesh Ranganathan has shared the challenges he's faced over the years and his constant battle with the dreaded negative voice in his head. The comedian appeared on The Diary of a CEO podcast with host Steven Bartlett and discussed the darker issues that have affected him, while also giving him endless material for his comedy.

Romesh said: "I was thinking about taking my own life regularly, and I'd fantasise about it... I think that all comedians are wired slightly differently They've had something happen to them that has made them an outsider in some way."

He explained: "We lived in a nice house. We had a nice car. All the stereotypical things that you mark success with. Then a period of six months, six months, it was a complete 180…"

Romesh shared that he is 'always afraid' that his success could vanish overnight, which developed from his former family struggles as a teen when his dad was sent to prison for fraud.

He said: "I'm addicted to doing stand-up. And it makes me better at everything. But... I've got this inner voice that is horrific. It will say, 'you're not a very good Dad, you're not a very good husband.'

"I had a run of about six panel shows, and I was in a really bad place, and I turned up to each one of them with the steadfast belief that I was sh*t at this."

When it goes wrong on stage, he admitted: "It's horrible. That silence… That never gets easier, man, but you learn more from those gigs. I just need to do the best I possibly can at this gig, I'm not in control of anything that happens after that.

"Don't think about this goal down the line that you're trying to get to. Do this thing brilliantly, and if you love what you do and you do that, you're on a good path."

The former Crawley maths teacher spoke previously to Griefcast about falling out with his brother Dinesh over money problems following the loss of their father and after Romesh quit teaching to pursue a career in stand-up comedy.

He said: "My dad passing away caused massive problems with me and my brother. We had this situation where we found out our financial situation was a house of cards, and we weren't sure what was going to happen to the house.

"At the same time I wasn't making any money from comedy, and it was a really high-pressure situation. My brother felt like I wasn't doing enough to help out."

Romesh continued: "I remember having a massive row with him in the foyer of a theatre. I shouted, 'I'm never going to forget how you've treated me.' And the argument continues. That created a rift between us that took months to sort out.

"Every now and again... it's like a scar. If one of us perceives the other to be not doing the brotherly thing, we'll fall back on that dynamic very easily."

Their family home was repossessed forcing Romesh and his family to live in a B&B for 18 months before finally finding a council house. After being released, his father Ranga started running a pub in Grinstead, East Sussex, but soon after died of a heart attack.

Romesh told The Guardian previously: "I did hero-worship my dad. My mum was dealing with what my dad was being like and two kids who thought she was making a big deal about nothing. But it turns out she wasn't making a big enough deal about it."

At Virgin Radio, we are committed to improving the wellbeing of our audience wherever possible. Whilst we ourselves are not Mental Health experts or qualified to directly assist those in need, we have compiled useful resources to help point you in the right direction, should you need help, at virginradio.co.uk/mental-health-resources.