Sir Keir Starmer opens up about ‘regret’ over relationship with father

Virgin Radio

1 Jul 2024, 11:09

Sir Keir Starmer spoke about his relationship with his dad during a conversation with Chris Evans on Virgin Radio this morning (1st July), and opened up about what he regrets.

The Prime Minister, who joined the Chris Evans Breakfast Show with webuyanycar in his final days as a civilian before the General Election, talked about his family life, saying: “My dad worked in a factory and he felt very disrespected, working in a factory, because he felt that as soon as he said to anyone, ‘I work in a factory,’ they looked down on him. Now, whether it was right or wrong, he felt it really strongly and it actually forced him to withdraw. He hated going for social events, etc. And he stopped doing it. 

Speaking about how his father, Rodney, was “a complicated man,” Sir Keir said: “He was utterly devoted to my mum, who was very, very ill and with Still’s disease.”

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He continued: “And he totally looked after her all the time. So all his emotional energy went there, which meant it was more distant with us children, particularly between him and me. And we didn't talk. He never really expressed pride in what I did. He certainly didn't say, ‘I love you’. And it was just distant and it became distant. It was... There was a gap, a massive gap, and I knew it was there.”

Regarding the last time he saw his dad before he died, the Labour leader told Chris: “He became ill and it was end-of-life care. And I don't know why, the last time I saw him in hospital, I knew he was going to die. I just knew. Something inside me told me. And that could have been the moment for me to have said, ‘I love you and I respect you,’ the very thing that he felt he didn't have all his life. And I almost remember having a fight with myself as I was in the hospital as to whether to say this or not. And I didn't and I walked away.”

He continued: “I almost never say I regret anything, because there's not much point going around saying ‘I regret this, I regret that.’ It's the one thing I do say I regret because that one was down to me. 

“The way he was, emotionally, he was never going to be the one to close that gap. It was always too difficult for him. But I had realised what the gap was. I'd sort of analysed in my own mind what it was about. And I could have done it, and I didn't. And I knew he was going to die.”

Explaining that he went from the hospital to meet some people he played football with, Sir Keir said: “These are really close friends. And I sat there with them, sort of nursing a pint and then I just put the drink down and walked out. I went home and sat. And I just knew that that night he was going to pass. And he did. And I do really regret that.”

When Chris asked why he didn’t go back and talk to his dad again, the father of two replied: “I think it was emotionally difficult for him and for me. Although it may have seemed like a small thing, you know, maybe 60 seconds, 90 seconds, it was a lifetime of emotional angst tied up that maybe it was just too big a thing to do. 

“Speaking about it now, it looks as if, you know, you could have just gone back and done it. That would have been to have stripped away decades of a distant relationship and tried to do it in one go. I do regret it, but I think that's why. I think I probably, in myself, thought it's too big a gap to do now in this way.”

Talking about his own relationship with his children, Sir Keir said that he tries to “carve out really protected time for the kids.” 

He explained: “So, on a Friday, I've been doing this for years, I will not do a work-related thing after six o'clock, pretty well come what may. Now there are a few exceptions, but that's what we do.”

Saying, “I'm a dad and I love them, they're my pride and joy and I don't want to lose that time,” Sir Keir added: “I don't believe in the theory that you're a better decision maker if you don't allow yourself the space to be a dad and have fun for your kids. Actually, it helps me. It takes me away from the pressure. It relaxes me. And I think actually, not only is it what I want to do as a dad, it is better.”

Read what Sir Keir said to Chris about England's second round win at the Euros here.

For more great interviews listen to The Chris Evans Breakfast Show with webuyanycar weekdays from 6:30am on Virgin Radio, or catch up on-demand here.